posting once again, gosh, now ya kno something definitely wrong wid me *sigh*...not too long came back from the gym, didn't have that good a work out i think, well not in my mind anyway, my brain still tired, exhausted even, plus my body was still a lil weak from lastnight, tho i only had two drinks, but as i said my mind exhausted so that probably explains it...got chat up by a not too old, not too young white man, man even gave me a wink when he was leaving then, saying "ok well see u next time" chheee lol, at times he even seemed to had wanted to carry on what little convo we had some more

what little strength i thought i had developed over the months is slowly diminishing, so much that i don't feel like workng out anything anymore, ya know, that feeling of just giving up, oh well time will tell

so i gine and relax for the rest of the day so i can be ready for the party at 8

Soph..ok for now

aaaahhhh, who am i really trying to fool..."i had a good time" hah...:'(, when actually infact, although i started to feel sleepy near the end of the fete, when i got home and hit my pillow i couldn't even close my eyes...ok so i did have fun for some of the time, i realised at some points i actually was smiling and laughing but it's soo hard to enjoy urself when things are on your mind, i'm going to go stuff my face now :(

so lastnight was actually good, just wanted to go out and enjoy myself, cause i just couldn't stand to stay home in my condition...was going to go in Le Club wid Kerry, but she didn't bother so i rolled down to Baje wid my friend Adanna, got in hobby doan mind i didn't jump but sorry to say, i used Haili name since unfortunately she couldn't make it (she went off to xtreme)...so this morning she's off to Washington i believe for a Dance workshop..i doan kno how the hell she does party and get up so early in the morning..but point is she does, have fun girly

question tho, how could someone who cares bout you, walk into a club or whaever and doan acknowledge you, but watch you for some of the night...if i honestly had seen them doan care how distant i may feel i will go over and say something, ah well, life..

so today is my sister's 24th b'day, glad for her, but unfortunately i wanted to go Battle of the Sexes, but her friends planning a surprise party for her so of course i have to cut it out of my agenda, sister comes first yah

y are we mostly the weak species, yea i kno there are some women out there that just tough and some out there that pretend to be, and i fall into the latter...so when i cain handle the pressure, u know wha i do, i channel the energy somewhere else, and temporarily it feels better, but it makes the situation worse, cuz to channel that energy i get spiteful...never been this way actualy til i found someone who can be so calm in a situation which is eating me inside out, so i direct all anger towards that person and get them to show emotion, and since that's what i wanted, i feel better cause i'm there thinking well at least they can see how i feel now, but then in the end that's not the solution...gosh i wish i wasn't so weak cuz then i feel worse for hurting them :S

aaahh, rain falling so nice, the sky is overcast an' dark, nice for cuddling in bed and reading a good book, beats doing what i was planning for the day, i.e. going to the beach, taking a swim and relaxing ...yaw i'm gonna go do that now

cropover is finished, and summer is mostly quiet again. For the past couple of days i've been feeling pretty out of it and have no idea why, or maybe i do know why and doan feel like admittin it...

no more bank holidays til November, so basically i wasted yesterday or got it wasted, however i may decide to look at it cuz for a while i wanted to go for a drive somewhere or sain, ya kno, spend the bank holiday quiet but that definitely ain't going to happen anytime soon

is there something wrong with wanting to spend as much time as possible with someone b4 they go away?? Is something wrong with me?